Martin Erzinger, Morgan Stanley Douchebag, Won’t Be Charged for Felony Hit-and-Run to Save His Job

Here’s a case out of Colorado that will surely confirm your suspicions that American justice isn’t blind; it’s purchased. On July 3, Dr. Steven Milo was biking along a highway near Eagle, Colorado. That’s when he was hit from behind by a black Mercedes Benz. He was hurled into a ditch, where he suffered massive injuries. But the Mercedes bolted from the scene.

Now it just so happens that the driver was Martin Erzinger, a bigshot at Morgan Stanley’s Denver office who oversees a rich folks’ investment fund worth a whopping $1 billion. He drove to the town of Avon, where he never bothered to call the cops. Instead, he called Mercedes roadside assistance asking for a tow……

He was originally charged with a felony for causing serious bodily injury. After all, if another motorist hadn’t stopped to help, Erzinger may well have left the doctor for dead……

But instead of lighting Erzinger up as the callous piece of shit he is, District Attorney Mark Hurlbert has agreed to plea it down to a misdemeanor case. As a financial adviser, Erzinger would have to inform investors of his felony conviction within 30 days, perhaps causing jeopardy to his job, says Hurlbert.

“Felony convictions have some pretty serious job implications for someone in Mr. Erzinger’s profession, and that entered into it,” the DA confessed to Vail Daily. “When you’re talking about restitution, you don’t want to take away his ability to pay.”

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Police in South Carolina said a nude burglary suspect who appeared to be under the influence of drugs was found to have a mouse lodged in his rectum.

Oconee County sheriff’s deputies said they responded to a home near Seneca Monday on a report of a burglary and discovered Noah Smith, 31, was naked and lying face down in the doorway of the address, WCSC-TV, Charleston, reported Wednesday.

Investigators said Smith slapped a deputy, who responded by using his Taser to no effect. More deputies arrived and confronted Smith in the victim’s bedroom, where he allegedly tried to attack the authorities until he was finally wrestled to the ground and placed in handcuffs and leg shackles.

The sheriff’s office said Smith, who was suspected to be under the influence of hallucinogenic mushrooms, was taken to a nearby hospital, where an X-ray discovered a mouse in his rectum.

Smith, who told hospital staff he could not remember the events leading to his arrest, was charged with resisting arrest, assault and battery, and indecent exposure.

No Shame? Killer Cop Wants Workers’ Comp

An Illinois state trooper who killed two teenage sisters in a high-speed collision, driving 126 mph while sending e-mails and speaking to his girlfriend on his cell phone, has filed a workers’ compensation claim for injuries he says he sustained in the fatal crash…

Matt Mitchell, who pleaded guilty to reckless homicide and reckless driving, could have thousands of taxpayer dollars coming to him…

For two years after the accident, Mitchell was placed on paid leave, continuing to earn his $68,000 annual salary. Mitchell pleaded guilty last year as part of a deal with prosecutors and served 90 days probation, never seeing any jail time….

Sheepskin Factory Fire Suspect Faces Utah Charges

The man charged in the Sheepskin Factory arson in Glendale now faces similar charges in Utah.

Walter Bond has been indicted by a federal grand jury in Salt Lake City in connection with two arson cases there. One was at a Tandy Leather Factory store and the other at a restaurant that served goose liver.

Palestinian jailed for rape after claiming to be Jewish

fuck the judge, this is utter bullshit:

“Although conceding that the sex was consensual, district court judge Tzvi Segal concluded that the law had a duty to protect women from “smooth-tongued criminals who can deceive innocent victims at an unbearable price”

If she hadn’t thought the accused was a Jewish bachelor interested in a serious romantic relationship, she would not have co-operated,” Mrs Segal said as she delivered her verdict.

yea ok, i’m sure that cunt was looking for a “serious romantic relationship” when she fucked him a few hours after meeting him and then they parted ways…someone better fucking overturn this verdict

LINCOLN, Neb. –Police said a 24-year-old Lincoln man is missing a chunk of his right ear that was bitten off by a woman who didn’t like being called “fat.”

Adult Film Star Verifies Her Age, Saves Fan From 20 Years In Prison!

New York native Carlos Simon-Timmerman bought a DVD of adult film star Lupe Fuentes at a flea market while vacationing in Venezuela, only to be stopped in San Juan, Puerto Rico on his way home where he was arrested and charged with illegal possession and transportation of images involving minors.
Simon-Timmerman spent two months in jail prior to the court case because a Special Agent of Immigration and Customs Enforcement had testified that Fuentes was “definitely” under the age of 18 in the video, as well as testimony from a pediatrician that had deemed her 100% underage; both of which Fuentes proved wrong when she showed up in court.

apparently this fight all started because the armless, legless broad was cheating on him…how the fuck did she manage to find TWO dudes willing to fuck her? wtf

Bell was in no position to defend herself, being that both hands and both legs were amputated due to a childhood illness. But Smith says don’t let that fool you–Bell is like a handless, legless Ultimate Fighter.

“She’ll swing, push me down and choke me with her nubs,” Smith told the Pioneer Press.