No Shame? Killer Cop Wants Workers’ Comp

An Illinois state trooper who killed two teenage sisters in a high-speed collision, driving 126 mph while sending e-mails and speaking to his girlfriend on his cell phone, has filed a workers’ compensation claim for injuries he says he sustained in the fatal crash…

Matt Mitchell, who pleaded guilty to reckless homicide and reckless driving, could have thousands of taxpayer dollars coming to him…

For two years after the accident, Mitchell was placed on paid leave, continuing to earn his $68,000 annual salary. Mitchell pleaded guilty last year as part of a deal with prosecutors and served 90 days probation, never seeing any jail time….

Conservapedia: E=mc2 Is A Liberal Conspiracy

But Conservapedia founder and Eagle Forum University instructor Andy Schlafly — Phyllis Schlafly’s son — has found one more liberal plot: the theory of relativity. If you’re behind on your physics, the Theory of Relativity was Albert Einstein’s formulation in the early 20th century that gave rise to the famous theorum that E=mc2, otherwise stated as energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light. Why does Andy Schlafly hate the theory of relativity? We’re pretty sure it’s because he’s decided it doesn’t square with the Bible.

In the entry, “Counterexamples to Relativity,” the authors (including Schlafly) write:

“The theory of relativity is a mathematical system that allows no exceptions. It is heavily promoted by liberals who like its encouragement of relativism and its tendency to mislead people in how they view the world.[1]“

To what does that reference lead? Why, a note by Schlafly:

“See, e.g., historian Paul Johnson’s book about the 20th century, and the article written by liberal law professor Laurence Tribe as allegedly assisted by Barack Obama. Virtually no one who is taught and believes relativity continues to read the Bible, a book that outsells New York Times bestsellers by a hundred-fold”

In other words, reading a theory about physics is correlated to a decrease in people’s interest in reading the Bible, which means that it causes people to stop reading the Bible.

Dog chews off Michigan man’s toe, saves his life

DETROIT (Reuters) – A Michigan man credited his dog with saving his life by chewing off his diseased big toe as he lay passed out in a drunken stupor…..

“I was self-medicating at this point,” he said. “The moral of the story is that the dog saved my life, because otherwise I never would have gone in to see a doctor.”

The couple said they were amazed that Kiko appeared to know Douthett had an infection that needed treatment. “He kind of chewed off the infected part and stopped at the good bone,” said Rosee. “We joked that we shouldn’t have had to pay the co-pay because he did half the job by chewing off half of the toe.”

A man has undergone surgery after he drunkenly broke into a Broome reptile park and jumped on the back of a 5m crocodile.

click above for the full article

Teabonics
here are just a few examples, please click above for a shitload more:

Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Vag

A Florida woman recently caused an accident while on her way to visit her boyfriend. Police say Megan Mariah Barnes was driving and had her ex-husband take the wheel for her from the passenger’s seat while she prepared for a date.

While on the way to Key West, Barnes sensed that her vaj wasn’t smooth enough, so she decided to shave it. The Thunderbird she was driving slammed into the back of another vehicle and she kept on going. Cops say about a half-mile down the road Barnes pulled over and jumped into the back seat and let her ex-husband get in the driver’s seat.

Barnes was convicted of a second DUI and driving under suspension the day before, so she really didn’t need to get caught driving again.

But, of course, she did. Burns on her ex’s chest from the passenger side airbag proved he wasn’t driving when the accident happened. She was charged with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and driving with no insurance.

Now she and her shaved beaver are likely headed to jail.

wouldnt dry shaving hurt?!?

Whale that killed its trainer at SeaWorld ‘must be stoned to death’, says American religious group

‘Says the ancient civil code of Israel, “When an ox gores a man or woman to death, the ox shall be stoned, and its flesh shall not be eaten.”‘

uh, yea, sure guys

Fuck you Jenny McCarthy