Kyle Richards thinks that the ban on pornography and erotica enforced by the Macomb County Jail—and, to a lesser extent, the absence of video games in individual cells—amounts to “cruel and unusual punishment,” and is therefore unconstitutional.

HOQUIAM, Wash. (AP) – Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” Police said the attacker answered, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched him in the nose and fled.

The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend’s apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.

KXRO reports he left the carcass behind.

Police later found the 33-year-old Hoquiam man arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested him after a fight.

He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don’t know why he carried it with him.

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

source: Man carrying dead weasel accused of assault

A Michigan hospital has isolated a patient who reportedly ingested rodent poison and is now emitting potentially toxic gas, the Detroit Free Press reported.

The Washtenaw County hazardous material team arrived Monday morning at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor, Mich., and took control of the situation by isolating the patient—who’s identity has not been revealed—in a private room of the intensive care unit.

“The hospital is open, and the situation is isolated,” said hospital spokeswoman Lauren Jones. She said she could not release specifics of the case due to patient privacy laws.

Traffic through that section of the hospital has been restricted to staff caring for the patient and the hazardous material team.

Public affairs manager of Huron Valley Ambulance, Joyce Williams, told the Detroit newspaper that the patient had already been admitted to the hospital for more than a day before the hazmat team was called because of suspicious emissions.

“They were doing air purity testing,” Williams said.

The hospital issued an e-mail statement dismissing rumors that the man’s flatulence was flammable.

“Hazmat teams … here are monitoring the levels of gas in the room; the levels are not at explosive or flammable levels. The air has been tested and confirmed for low levels. Hazmat teams are continuing to monitor the levels to ensure maintaining a safe environment; the level of gas in the room is only expected to improve,” according to the statement.

An Indiana man is suing a strip club, claiming he was injured by a heavy-heeled shoe that came off an exotic dancer’s foot when she was performing a “high-kick maneuver,” his attorney said today.

“He was bleeding [and] his front four teeth were chipped,” Saeed said. “It was not a situation where it was a light tap on the face. It hit him with quite a bit of force. You can imagine the velocity at which the shoe must have come out when it hit him in the face.”

and apparently there are a bunch of other lawsuits over the past few years:

• In October, Michael Ireland, a roofer from West Palm Beach, Fla., was awarded a $650,000 judgment from a strip club. Ireland said he was seated at the stage inside the establishment when a stripper spun around and accidentally struck him in the face. In court, Ireland’s attorney successfully argued that his client suffered broken bones and chronic double vision.

• A man named Yusuf Evans filed a $25,000 suit against an Akron, Ohio, strip club in January 2009. Evans said he was watching a dancer perform a high kick when her shoe flew off and struck him in the face. Evans said he suffered injuries to his nose and required surgery because after the incident he could only breathe out of one nostril. The case reportedly was settled in May 2010 after the strip club countersued Evans for defamation and filing a frivolous action.

• Paul Shimkonis, a physical therapist from Clearwater, Fla., filed a lawsuit seeking more than $15,000 against the Diamond Dolls club in the late 1990s. Shimkonis said he was at a bachelor party at the club where Playboy cover girl Tawny Peaks was performing when she slammed her size-69HH breasts into his head, causing him to suffer whiplash. “I saw stars. … It was like two cement blocks hit me,” Shimkonis told The Eugene Register-Guard.

first, the original lawsuit
Man Can Sue Woman For Sperm Theft Distress

A woman accused of using her lover’s sperm to impregnate herself without his knowledge can be held liable for the unwitting father’s emotional pain, the Illinois Appellate Court has ruled.

Irons was sued by her former lover, Chicago family physician Richard O. Phillips, who accused her of a “calculated, profound personal betrayal” of him after a brief affair they had six years ago.

Phillips alleges that he and Irons, who practices internal medicine, never had intercourse during their four-month affair, although they did have oral sex three times.

His suit contends that Irons, without his knowledge, kept some of his semen and used it to impregnate herself.

The relationship ended when Phillips learned Irons had lied to him about being recently divorced and was, in fact, still married to another doctor, according to court documents.

Nearly two years later, Irons slapped Phillips with a paternity suit. DNA tests showed Phillips was indeed the father, court papers state.

and then, a higher court says he has to pay the child support:
Woman Uses Sperm from Oral Sex to Impregnate Self, Gets Child Support

Curiosity still remains as to how this man was ordered to pay child support when his sperm was used unknowingly. According to reports, Chicago family physician Richard O. Phillips sued his then girlfriend Sharon Irons claiming she put aside his semen after engaging in oral sex and in secret impregnated herself.

Reportedly the two were on good terms in the beginning of their relationship with the intentions of getting married in the future. However it seems the girlfriend needed solid affirmation, in which after oral sex she held the sperm in her mouth and then ended up using a test tube to inject her boyfriend’s semen inside herself.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Amish Man Accused of Drag Racing in Buggy

Police in Ashland, Ohio, say they have charged an Amish man with driving left of center after he clipped a motorist during a horse-and-buggy race.

Law enforcement officials say Jacob Raber was the man behind the reins when a horse carriage struck a car on Route 758 on Sunday, Fox 8 News reports.

Raber was reportedly racing another horse and buggy to a nearby church when he attempted to make a pass.

But when the horse-powered vehicle crossed the center line, it clipped an oncoming car, according to investigators.